Worker #3: So, our coworker is Catholic?
Me: Yeah he is.
Worker #3: When we were eating lunch on Friday he said, "I wonder what my wife made me for lunch. I hope she remembered not to put meat in my sandwich."
Me: His wife makes his lunch? How nice. Did he have meat?
Worker #3: No. He had peanut butter and jelly.
Me: When he got married he had to go on some Catholic retreat before they'd allow them to get married. I have to remember to tone down my anti-Catholic rants around him. The whole ritual thing is such a joke. Not eating meat on Fridays only during Lent? It used to be year round and the reason behind the eating fish is that the poor couldn't afford meat and had to eat fish. Fish is more expensive now so it's stupid. They're also supposed to fast on Fridays to show humility and empathy with the poor who can't afford to eat. It's lost its purpose and now it's just mindless robots following commands.
Dave: I consider myself a Catholic but I don't believe in god... or going to church.
Me: You don't believe in god? Why the fuck do you consider yourself a Catholic?
Dave: It's just the way I was raised. I only go to church for christmas and easter. I don't take communion or nothing.
Me: As you're not supposed to because you're divorced.
Dave: I know.
Me: And you don't believe in god?
Dave: I believe god was a martian.
Worker #3: Martian?
Me: Someone from Mars. An alien.
Worker #3: Oh, ok. Ha ha ha.
Dave: He walked on water. No human can walk on water.
Me: This reminds me of a joke.