Me: Jesus fucking christ is it too much to ask that our bathroom has soap!? It's been months - and I know the bathroom is cleaned at least once a week by a cleaning crew!
Dave: You're obsessed with washing your hands. I don't believe in that washing your hands crap.
Me: What the fuck does that have to do with anything? We're paying through the nose for this office space and they could at least provide soap in the common bathrooms - and maybe work on getting rid of the fucking cockroaches.
Dave: Whatever, you're obsessed.
Me: Why!? Because I want to wash my hands after wiping my ass!?
Dave: What? You wanna touch your ass and soap it up? Lube it up? Gettin' ready for deep penetration?
Me: You're so fucking weird.
Dave: Ha ha ha ha ha ha.