Can You Hard On Now?

When someone needs to call Dave they call me - because Dave leaves his phone in the vehicle (his car or the van). This morning I received a call from the boss and he wasn't in a good mood. One of the reasons he was in a bad mood was because he had to call me to talk to Dave. Dave blamed the boss for never carrying his phone with him.

Dave: What the fuck does he want me to do!? They give me a clip phone without a clip and the thing makes me look like I have a hard on. (Editor's note: Dave destroyed his personal phone and has been using a company phone ever since) They need to give me one with speaker phone and they won't even tell me the password for the voicemail so how the fuck am I to get my messages!? (Editor's note: Dave apparently can't use a regular phone and can only communicate via speaker phone - no conversation is private with him. He also never asked for the password.) Sure, he can have a Blackberry but I have to have this piece of shit phone. He needs to buy me a better phone.

Me: Or...... you can stop being difficult.

Worker #3: Ha ha ha ha.

Dave: How am I being difficult!!!? What am I supposed to do!? Put it in my pocket and walk around with a big, fucking, happy, homo, hard on!!?

Me: Just keep your fucking phone on you and this won't be an issue.