Today was a little light on blog worthy recital but here goes.
After passing an attractive woman,
Dave: Nice! No zooms. Wearing a pad though.
Me: Ok... zooms?
Dave: Zooms. It's what my buddy used to call underwear. He was going to come out with his own line of underwear called Zooms. It's too bad too 'cuz it would have caught on I think.
During a discussion about dietary habits and his girlfriend's kids poor eating habits he rags on her obese 7 year old son.
Dave: Her kids don't eat right. They eat nothing but junk and soda and Obeson is a big, fat fuck. The doctor says he shouldn't snack and have seconds but she lets him eat what he wants. He eats with his mouth open and snorts and shit because he can't breathe. She says it's because he's sick but it's because he's so fucking fat.
Me: He's going to lose his feet.
Dave: He's going to lose his toes by age 15 when he shouldn't be losing them until age 30. Wait, it shouldn't be until 50.
Worker #3: You should make him eat salad or something.
Dave: I want to have him graze in the front yard because he's a fucking cow.