Monday, May 18, 2009

Stream Of Conciousness

Me: Worker #3's going to do research for that property line job we got. I'm bummed - I wanted to do that. 

Dave: Why?

Me: Because I need to work on property lines if I'm ever going to go for my PLS. Besides, I'm the one who took the class on it. I wanted to take my new skills out for a test drive.

Dave: I know how to do research.

Me: I'm sure you do, but most companies don't do it correctly. You have so much liability you carry so you're supposed to cover all of your bases and do research in a very specific manner.

Dave: I just know what to look for.

Me: Well, you've been doing it forever.

Dave: Yeah but I can't go into the registry no more.

Me: Why?

Dave: Because I always have a boner. The bitches in there are so hot. If I worked there I'd have to have a desk job to hide it.

Me: Ha!

Dave: I've never been in the Cambridge registry.

Me: I have a few times.

Dave: Yeah, when I used to work with Kenny and Spenny we had to come up here once for research. They went in to do the research and I hung out by the van watching all the hot bitches coming and going from the court house. I was all steroided out then and looking good - and you know, they make me so horny. 

Me: Yeah you've told me.

Dave: Well I'm standing there and this girl comes out of the apartment right there and says, "Woah, you're big. Wanna come inside?"

Me: Riiiight.

Dave: No, I'm not lying. 

Me: Sure you're not.

Dave: So I'm up there in her apartment smoking pot and watching Kenny and Spenny looking around for me. Oh, and I got a blowjob.

Me: I figured this story would have that ending.

Dave: So I come outside and I'm all smiling because I'm wicked baked. Oh, and because I just got a blowjob

Me: Right.

Dave: I tell them what happened and they're all like, "no sir," and I'm like, "yes sir," and they're like, "no sir." And then we look up and she's in the window and she goes like this - *pantomimes flashing his moobs*

Me: I'm sure that happened.

Dave: I'm not lying. Ask Spenny

Me: Okay. I will.

Dave: Kenny was all mad at me because I didn't bring him up there. But fuck him - I don't bring him anywhere anymore. He's a fucking scumbag.

Me: Heh, why's that?

Dave: He always wants to go out with me and I went out with him once to a pub right. And at the end of the night I give him my share of the bill to pay and he tried to walk out. Well he got caught and he tried to blame me. I just said, "Look, I gave him my share of the bill and he tried to walk out." He was wicked drunk and I was sober. He's a wicked loser.

Me: Does Kenny have a mustache?

Dave: No! He actually started growing a goatee like mine's. And he went and got his hair cut like mine's.

Me: The crew cut?

Dave: Yeah! And he started dressing like me. He never wore shorts before until he started working with me.

Me: Well I never wore shorts to work until I started working with you.

Dave: Really? Yeah, Spenny noticed it too and told me, "yeah, look at Kenny trying to be like you."

Me: You should have started wearing Hawaiian shirts.

Dave: No way, that's so gay. My brother wears them all the time and I always tell him how gay he looks. 

Me: I can picture Hawaiian shirts going well with your brother's mustache.

Dave: Ha ha ha ha.........  but yeah, that really happened. 

No comments:

Post a Comment