An almost daily diary of my days with my coworker Dave as well as the occasional flashback. I'm (currently we) an urban surveyor.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Of Fat Girls And Hummers
Me: Hey, today my wife went out on the porch to smoke and I joined her. So we're out there smoking and talking and she looks past me and starts pointing. I look and turn back to ask what's up. She points again and tells me to look.
Me: Well I live across from the train station which has a 4 floor garage. The top floor is several feet below our floor so we have a full view of the uncovered garage roof.
Dave: Yeah, you told me that.
Me: And everyone thinks that no one will see them up there performing sex acts or urinating or breaking into cars.
Me: So there's this guy sitting on one side of the elevator room - it rises up almost a floor above the roof and everyone we ever see doing illegal acts always do it on this side of the elevator room because they think no one can see them.
Dave: I know what you're talking about.
Me: So he's sitting there with his back against the wall with his pants undone..
Dave: Heh, heh, heh, heh.
Me: And there she is going down on him. *pantomimes the blowjob*
Dave: He he he he, that reminds me of this time I took a bus down to New Jersey and this bitch was blowing me the whole way down.
Me: Oh yeah? Well they're going at it and we're sitting there watching it and my wife starts live-blogging it while I'm giving play by play. At some point the guy notices that I'm out on the porch and watching them and I make a big show of laughing.
Dave: Ha ha ha ha ha, that girl on the bus gave the best blowjob.
Me: Right, so the girl stops and gets up and starts putting on her shoes. I have no idea why she took her shoes off to give a blowjob on the roof of a garage.
Dave: Heh, heh, heh, that girl who blew me on the bus was wild.
Me: Okay, should I just stop talking now?
Me: So the guy is still sitting there holding his dick in his hands and I can tell by their body language what's going on. He's trying to get her to finish despite us watching.
Dave: Oh man, that was such a great ride. She sucked my cock for eight hours straight.
Me: Oh you couldn't cum? What happened?
Dave: Yeah I could! At least eight times.
Me: Yeah, so the girl covered up and the guy zipped up and they left. As they left I started clapping and the girl gave me the finger.
Dave: He, he, he, he, he.
Me: Where I live I see tons of great shit. However, the only other time I've seen anyone getting it on on the roof was a long time ago. I see people peeing in that exact same spot all of the time but sex is a rarity.
Dave: He, he.
Me: The only other time we saw sex, well, pseudo-sex - was this couple that obviously just met on the train.
Dave: Oh yeah, I've had those.
Me: Of course you have. So this couple was going at it in the same spot. It was fat girl in her twenties I'd guess, and a guy in his late thirties or early forties.
Dave: Was it a black guy?
Dave: That's too bad.
Me: Why? Never mind. So this guy looked like he had never had any experience with sex. He was all..
Dave: Fat girls are always the hardest to get into.
Dave: They have so many cracks that you don't know where to stick it in.
Me: You're supposed to roll them in flour right?
Dave: Heh, heh, yeah to find the wet spot. But even then you can't find their snatch.
Me: So this guy was kneeing her in the crotch and it was so awkward...