Dick In A Box

Me: Yeah, so I finally made those breaded chicken cutlets. 

Dave: How were they? 

Me: Oh they were so good. I have about 8 with me for lunch. 

Dave: Nice

Me: I have the leftover Rice-a-Roni too. I was slumming it.

Dave: I like Rice-a-Roni.

Me: Yeah I have cravings for it sometimes. I was home early enough yesterday to cook the chicken before leaving for school which was great because I don't cook after class - I'm just too exhausted then. I was supposed to make that meal the night before but as it came closer to cooking time I kept knocking off dishes because I didn't feel like making the effort. It's hard to get up the effort to cook for just myself. 

Dave: Why!? Is your wife out there again!?

Me: Yeah.

Dave: WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING OUT THERE!!!?

Me: Uh,

Dave: I DON'T KNOW HOW THE FUCK YOU LIVE LIKE THAT!!. I just couldn't do it! I need to have sex EVERY DAY! 

Me: That's impressive for a man your age.

Dave: Heh heh heh heh. Yeah but I can't go a day without it. My girlfriend is now walking sideways away from me. She knows if she shows her ass, tits or crotch I'm gonna grab her. She won't even spend a day away because she knows I'll be off fucking anything that moves. Whenever she has her period she thinks I'm out cheating on her.... she's right.

Me: Awesome.

Dave: She's been holding out on me. I told her I was gonna fuck the cat if she didn't knock it off.

Me: *snort*

Dave: Now the cat is walking sideways away from me.

Me: Like a crab?

Dave: Heh heh heh, yeah, like a crab, heh heh heh. 

(Editor's note: the preceding conversation followed this exchange hours earlier)

................................

Dave: I'm texting with my girlfriend - I'm trying to get her to send me a picture of her box.

Me: Ah, her box to your inbox.

Dave: Ha ha ha ha, I never even thought of that, ha ha ha. Yeah she's all like, "I'm at work!" and I'm like, "Just shove the fucking phone down your snatch and take the fucking picture!"

Me: That's pretty classy.

Dave: Heh heh heh heh, I know, I'm a pig.

Me: Admitting it's the first step.

Dave: I can't help it. 

Me: You have a disease, damn it!

Dave: I do. 

Skid Row

Me: Yeah, so my wife is coming home on Friday for an Honor's dinner; she's getting an award. She intimated to me the other day that she wanted me to drive her there and home. For a compromise I'm driving her there and she's finding her own way home.

Dave: Why aren't you going?

Me: I'm not a student.

Dave: You should be there to support her; and open up her ass.

Me: Uh, I don't think I can go. Maybe I could go and pay for my own meal.

Dave: I would go no matter what.

Me: Yeah?

Dave: Yeah, but I'd be looking down my girlfriend's shirt and grabbing her ass, and pulling on her panties. She hates me for that.

Me: Ha. What? She hates you?

Dave: Yeah, she hates me for that shit but I do it on purpose. Last night when she was coming to bed I was sniffing her panties, y'know she left them on the floor before going to take a shower. I knew she was coming so that's why I did it. Then I put her underwear on my head - skid mark out..

Me: *snort*

Dave: And she's all like, "You're gross!"

Me: Ha!

Dave: So I'm running around the house with her underwear on my head - skidmark out - and the 14 and 15 year olds are laughing; their boyfriends are over. My girlfriend was all like, "You're gross!"

Me: She may have a point.

Dave's Not Gay!

Friday, 4/10/09

We've been doing some back-breaking labor over the last few months digging bounds and as such, my muscles (arms especially) are getting big and defined.

Me: My muscles are getting really ripped doing this. My arms are getting bigger; more defined.

Dave: My main muscle is getting bigger, heh heh heh heh.

Me: *rolls eyes* What muscle is that?

Dave: This one! *tugs twice on his crotch* All veiny and bulging.

Me: Are you coming onto me?

Dave: NO!!

Me: Good.

El Scorcho

Not too much material today but Dave did have a discussion about his wanting to marry his girlfriend and her not feeling the same.

Dave: Yeah, I want to marry her but she doesn't want to marry me.

Worker #3: I told you, get the diamond ring. Get down on your knees and ask her - she will not say no.

Dave: I'll put it on my dick and tell her to get on her knees. I'll tell her to suck my dick and say, "Hey, there's a surprise for you down there."

Me: What size are her fingers?

El Producto

Dave has a weird relationship with his girlfriend. He talks often about how she doesn't love him and how he's going to buy a house and move out with his daughter. He kinda, really loves her, but not really.

Dave: I guess me asking her to marry me every day for the last year isn't working?

Worker #3: Did you buy her a diamond ring yet?

Dave: No.

Worker#3: That's what you need to do.

Dave: I gave her a cigar wrapper once. Ha, ha, ha.

Worker #3: Oh my!

Me: That's going on the blog.

Worker #3: Ha, ha.