Skid Row

Me: Yeah, so my wife is coming home on Friday for an Honor's dinner; she's getting an award. She intimated to me the other day that she wanted me to drive her there and home. For a compromise I'm driving her there and she's finding her own way home.

Dave: Why aren't you going?

Me: I'm not a student.

Dave: You should be there to support her; and open up her ass.

Me: Uh, I don't think I can go. Maybe I could go and pay for my own meal.

Dave: I would go no matter what.

Me: Yeah?

Dave: Yeah, but I'd be looking down my girlfriend's shirt and grabbing her ass, and pulling on her panties. She hates me for that.

Me: Ha. What? She hates you?

Dave: Yeah, she hates me for that shit but I do it on purpose. Last night when she was coming to bed I was sniffing her panties, y'know she left them on the floor before going to take a shower. I knew she was coming so that's why I did it. Then I put her underwear on my head - skid mark out..

Me: *snort*

Dave: And she's all like, "You're gross!"

Me: Ha!

Dave: So I'm running around the house with her underwear on my head - skidmark out - and the 14 and 15 year olds are laughing; their boyfriends are over. My girlfriend was all like, "You're gross!"

Me: She may have a point.