The Bleeding

Dave was talking on his phone and as usual he was talking on speaker phone. No such thing as a private discussion with him.

Dave: So, do you want to meet me for a drink around 4?

Dave's Girlfriend: I think that could work but, where are you now?

Dave: I'm at work.

Dave's Girlfriend: You're out of work now aren't you!? You always do this!

Me: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Dave: Ha, Sniffa's laughing at you!

Dave's Girlfriend: I'm on speaker phone!?

Dave: Yeah, why wouldn't you be?

Dave's Girlfriend: I'll talk to you later. *click*

Dave: See? Didn't I tell you how she is? She's got the bleeding this week so she's all worried that I'm out cheating on her.

Me: Ha ha, the bleeding!?

Dave: Yeah, her period. She thinks I'm going to be off fucking other women because she has her period.

Vasectomy Now!

Dave: Hey, so that 35 year old broad that everyone wants to date asked me out.

Me: Okay.

Dave: How about that huh?

Me: I.. guess.

Dave: She won't date anybody because she has kids but she asked me out. I'm thinking about throwing her a shot.

Me: Okay... What the fuck are you talking about?

Dave: The 35 year old. She's so fucking hot.

Me: Okay, is this someone you met at the gym?

Dave: Yeah! She doesn't want to date anyone because of her kids; they get all close to her boyfriends and shit and then they leave. I just want to fuck her and not meet her kids so that's not a problem.. I'm going to take take pictures too as a proof of purchase.

Me: Ha! Okay then. I'm at least sorta on your page now.

Dave: Yeah so I'm thinking of throwing her a shot but I don't know where to place it?

Me: Which hole?

Dave: Yeah..... I'm thinking her ass; maybe her mouth.

Me: *snort* Are you gonna go for it?

Dave: No, I love my girlfriend too much.

Me: I'm surprised.

Dave: She's riding the red wagon right now so she thinks I'm off cheating on her whenever I'm at work or at the gym or whatever.

Me: Well, does she have reason to think that?

Dave: No.

Me: How did you meet your girlfriend?

Dave: Yeah, yeah I was cheating on my wife with her but I was separated then - separated but living together.

Me: Holy shit! You guys were still living together then? I didn't know that.

Dave: Yeah but I just waited until she passed out all fucked up before doing anything.. I used to fuck her once she passed out; she didn't know. She'd take her oxycontin until she'd be a fucking retard and then I could stick it anywhere I wanted... her ear... her nostril.... anywhere I wanted.

Me: That's impressive.

Dave: Heh heh, yeah.